Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturiser review

E: Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturiser

M: The Legendary Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturiser. Revered by beauty editors and makeup artists.

E: Sung of in heroic ballads by wandering minstrels.

M: Tell me what it does.

E: Well. Mainly it disappears. You put some on your hand, what looks like a decent blob. Then you put it on your face and instantly the texture changes and sort of dries, magically and there is nothing there. Nothing. Your face looks better, though. Undeniably. But I am weirded out by the disappearing.

M: It does have a lovely texture. Like, jelly meets marmalade, but non-sticky. It’s kind of, plump?

E: Plump but dry. I think I like it.

M: I think it’s responsible for the current explosion of what the FUCK all over my face.

E: Oh no.

M: On me, it becomes evil spot creating venom of DEATH. It makes my face 50% sweaty, 50% angry teenager. I mean, I wanted to like it. I really did. I wanted to love it. It’s either the Laura Mercier or the Belgian water.

E: Pff, Belgian water is TOTALLY safe. That chemical spillage was a one off. It’s the Sauce Américaine for frites you have to worry about.

M: I’m just glad I got a sample before spending 15 gazillion pounds on this tube of snake venom.

E: Ha. I spent the 15 gazillion, of course. And now I can’t even remember when, or why, or where. I go into a fugue state when I enter beauty halls, and come to an hour later with a metallic leatherette quilted washbag filled with blue eyeshadows and fifteen irate voicemails from HSBC.

M: The sales assistant squirted it into a tiny pot for me. Look, cute!

E: Ooooh. Teeny tiny Polly Pocket make up.

M: Gaaah. I can’t open the fucking thing. Ah! And now I’ve got it all over my keyboard! my Laura Mercier is cursed. CURSED I TELL YOU.

E: She’s put the evil eye on you. You need to borrow my shamanic charm.

M: Whiiiiiiiine. I want to be able to use it. Maybe I should try the non oil-free version.

E: Ok, I have put some on, and I am going to look at myself in the cold light of belgo-day.

E: Hmm. Christ, I look miserable. AND I hate my nostrils. There’s nothing you can do about weird shaped nostrils. Cosmetics are helpless in the face of them.

M: Good thing I photoshopped them out, then.

E: But yeah, it’s actually pretty good. Even. A bit glowy. Laura Mercier is stealthily making inroads into my makeup bag and with results like this, I can see why.

M: She’s crafty like that.

E: Despite the fact I don’t like the packaging at all. Brown and beige? Bleurgh.

M: I quite like it. It’s medicinal.

E: That’s your French side coming out. It’s dull.

M: Says the woman who wears nothing but shapeless black sack dresses. What’s wrong with beige?

E: Meh. It’s just crap. Those fleshy colours all are.

M: Because you are pale ghostly white.

E: Yes. It shows me up for the walking cadaver I am. Do you think Laura Mercier is making me pull those gloomy, Checkovian faces? Or is that my natural expression?

M: No comment. Do you wear it regularly?

E: Well. I do like it. But it lives in my bathroom and not my make up bag, which is a sign I don’t totally love and depend on it. It’s not what I use on weekdays, but at weekends, when I’m brushing my teeth, I might put a bit on if I’m feeling fancy. I have to be feeling pretty fancy to get around to brushing my teeth.

M: In conclusion then. Laura Mercier – lots of hype. Disappearing act on the skin. Glowy on some, snake venom on others. The jury is still out.

E: I actually think I should wear it more often. Who needs to look cheerful when you can look glowy?

M: Oh shut up, Anton.

Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer
£15 gazillion £32 from Space.NK amongst others

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M likes bright powders in tiny pots and anything that will make her hair more Jen Brill and less Shaun the Sheep.

11 Comments

  • March 10, 2010

    Em

    Brilliant! The first, the only beauty post i have EVER read where i would hazard to guess you haven’t been paid by the company. Love it. Please don’t sell out… Unless you get sent so much stuff that you can distribute it amongst your disciples. Oh, and then we can be testers too. For instance, i can helpfully, and elegantly, tell you how things work in a far-away climate.

  • March 11, 2010

    Ellie

    As another preternaturally white person, I like the idea… But I think I’ll stick to my
    mineral Powder!

  • March 11, 2010

    Pomgirl

    I was addicted to Laura Mercier tinted moisturiser about ten years ago. So addicted that I once bought a tube, accidently left it it on the bus home and then went back to the shop and bought another tube, like £60 was nothing to spend in one day on posh gloop.

    People always used to compliment me on how good my skin looked but now I just think that I had young skin and it would have looked good with almost anything on it.

  • March 11, 2010

    Jo

    ha ha ha Pomgirl “but now I just think that I had young skin and it would have looked good with almost anything on it.”

    I am just LOVING this new beauty review thingy. Where everyone can confess in the comments to being brainwashed by beauty editors, and dazzled by marketing copy into spending shedloads on stuff that may or may not work, depending on your colouring or skin etc etc.

    Of course the reason it’s so good is the format, and the sheer brilliance of your (joint) mental banter.

    Love it.

  • March 12, 2010

    Margaret

    Emma, I love this new site–I’m so excited! Makeup! I clean out my makeup arsenal twice a year, yet it is still vast.

    Jo, we are all sheep in the face of pretty packaging (I’m from a generation that still has a zombielike response to the Clinique green–Must buy. Good for skin. Hypoallergenic) and beauty editor bilge. I’ve stopped reading Lucky because I finally figured out that they say THE SAME FREAKING THING ABOUT EVERY PRODUCT. “Perfect, glowy, skin!” “Like you, but much better!” I think if I packaged wastewater from a nuclear facility attractively and told them I made it in my recently renovated brownstone in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, where I live with my executive creative director husband Seth and our daughter Blanche, they would feature it in a sidebar and describe it as making your skin glowy. Which, I guess, it would.

    But I have suddenly decided I finally sort of like the Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer after buying a tube a year ago. I tried it in summer and it was too greasy. But it’s winter now and I have super-dry (OK, old) skin, so the extra moisturizing is good for me. It goes on after the Olay serum-something-or-other followed by the Olay Total Effects lotion. By the time I’m done, my face is so slippery, you could hold a curling match on it. But it does look pretty glowy, though that could be due to all the Olay.

    Oh, I’m so EXCITED!!!

  • March 12, 2010

    Lisa-Marie

    The tube is the same colour as Boots No7 tinted moisturiser. If they want me to pay craploads of money for it, I want the packaging to be sleek and either silver or black and expensive looking.

    If it breaks someone’s skin out, I am not going near it. I am allergic to most things – though not Nars, Clinique, Benefit, some No7, or Mac. My face has expensive taste it seems.

  • March 13, 2010

    Sarah

    I guess it’s got silicone in it, which is what may be causing the breakouts. I wouldn’t mind trying this – I wonder if I can get a little sample pot too. Also dislike beige packaging, unless it is cute like Paul & Joe stuff.

  • March 13, 2010

    Nonworkingmonkey

    I am not paid by Laura Mercier etc etc BUT I rilly rilly like this product. A lot. Dry, pale, English skin; not blemishy (any more than any normal person of 40 is). Does a lovely job for me. But it does disappear. That’s true.

  • […] the mineral foundation love out there. I don’t really want to try the Laura Mercier because she is out to get me. Barefaced Beauty’s powder has just four ingredients in it, no evil bismuth oxychloride , and […]

  • March 15, 2010

    KristieB

    I use the Oil-Free version of this product. I haven’t noticed any extra blemishes, but did notice the “disapearing.” I don’t know if it actually does anything at all, but it does make me feel like I’m wearing makeup/ making an effort to not look terrible.

  • […] I did. And I love it. But keep your voice down, because Laura Mercier is going to KILL […]

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