M: I have a confession to make.
E: Hang on, let me put go fetch my purple robes. Ok, go on.
M: It promises an “optimal styling experience”. Now, I think it is fair to say, my “styling experience” has never been optimal. Unless you count looking like a lion that’s been dragged through a car wash ‘optimal’.
E: I distrust their claims. I mean, do tiny hairdressers come out of the tube and give you a blow dry, complete with current issues of celebrity gossip magazines and cappuccino? NO. Therefore: suboptimal.
M: Indeed. I have hair. A LOT OF IT. All over the fucking place. So my styling experience is usually composed of a lot of whining and some half arsed blow drying. UUUUUUUGH do I haaaaave tooooo?
E: So much hair.
M: So I had high hopes for this. I went all the way to Paris, and got lost in Printemps Beauté to find it. Little did I know they sell it at Jenners. Bastards.
E: What did it promise? Why did you seek it out in this way?
M: Well, everyone goes on about it. Magazines, celebrities, blah blah. And it’s supposed to be good for thick curly hair.
E: I see.
M: But it feels like horse glue. Or what I imagine horse glue feels like. Thick. Sticky. Viscous. Not what I want in my hair.
E: Gross. Does it smell of hooves?
M: Yes! A hoof that’s been half heartedly rubbed with wheat protein, soy protein, and jojoba oil. Anyway, I’d lost the damned thing, so didn’t send it to LBE. But when I found it the other day, I tried it again. I only used a tiny amount – about a pea sized dollop for my long hair – and rubbed it thoroughly into my hands to warm it first, until they looked like the white face of a mime artist.
M: And wow! It’s great.
E: Aha! The celebrities (or rather, the faceless PR drones who make up their ‘recommendations’) are right!
M: Rubbed this way onto wet hair, it transforms into a sort of liquid, emulsified styling creme of gorgeousness. And gives sleek, controlled, voluminous blow dried hair that doesn’t get gunky or greasy for ages.
E: Whoa. That’s pretty amazing. LBE, you won’t be seeing your hoof glue.
M: Nope, sorry LBE. This one’s all mine. Better luck next time.
Kiehl’s with Silk Groom, £17.50