Giorgio Armani Mediterranean palette review
M: (tiny little voice) Errm, E?
E: Yes, M? What is it?
M: You look really pretty today. And I really like your shoes.
E: OH NO. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
M: And have I ever told you how clever you are?
E: You might as well just tell me. TELL ME.
M: Shhhhhhh [hides under desk].
E: Come out of there. We can still see you. Your JENNERS BAG is poking out.
M: This bag? The dark black one with red tissue paper, the delicately scented one that says GIORGIO ARMANI?
E: Yes. That bag. Now tell me what on earth you have been up to with the lizard king or I’m sending for Laura Mercier and her Jack Bauer style torture techniques. WHAT IS IN THE BAG, M?
M: Before I tell you about what’s in the bag, I must tell you about Jen, the Armani Face Designer. She is Céline’s younger Scottish sister. Her hair is soft and lustrous. Her eyes deep and understanding. Her tail is dainty and hardly noticeable at all.
E: Ha. “Face Designer”. They programme her that way back on the mothership for optimal Customer Service.
M: Yes, then she reprograms your face to comply with the Armani Algorithm.
E: Correct.
M: Sleekness. Smoothness. Impact.
E: It might not be your face anymore, but it’s BETTER.
M: She has a mirror, that she sent me out to Princes St with. To check my face in. It’s that thing the magazines always tell you to do but that never ever happens.
E: Ha! Not at all embarrassing that.
M: The tourists stared and the grannies tutted, but I did not care. Jen had me in her thrall. The thing about Jen is that she sounds so innocent and sincere. Like, when she told me my skin was good. Or when she praised the shape of my eyebrows. Or the fact that my lids were just right for putting shadow on. I lapped it up. Like a brain zombie.
E: And then what happened, M? How did she pounce? What has she done to you?
M: No, she did not pounce. That is the genius of Jen. I just volunteered to spend £65 on roughly 10 grams of coloured powder. The thing is, I didn’t care. Because I wanted to be just like Jen. Including the wonderfully irridescent green shadow on her eyes.
E: Ooooh, nice.
M: I’m pretty sure crack is cheaper than that. Anyway, LOOK A IT. The “Mediterranean Palette”. Isn’t it beautiful?
E: Mediterranean Palette sounds like a delicious mezze plate. But where are the olives? Where is the tzatziki?
M: They have been replaced by this bronzer, which is ace. And then 4 shadows.
E: Ok, it does look pretty awesome. And is it as good as it looks?
M: YES. Look:
Yes. The fact I am willing to show you my face is proof of the power of Armani. The green is green, but it does not make you look crazy, because the colours are sheer and combine into subtle effects. It just gives your eyes brightness and definition. Only one downside. Now, I have to sacrifice a goat to his Highness.
E: King Lizard be praised! You look amazing. The Armani algorithm is working for you. Actually, I think the goat sacrifice can wait until you have worked your earthling fingers to the bone to pay for the palette.
M: I don’t give a shit. Because I am going to wear it ALL THE TIME.
She casually said to me, as she was wrapping it up “It’s a very limited edition, we only got 8 in stock.” BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
E: BWAHAHAHHAHAA Bon. I forgive you, M. It is hard to resist a facial redesign from space.
M: Thank you for your forgiveness, E. I must resist the genius mascara, or the amazing Fluid Sheer of Wonder. I feel myself drawn back to the Lizard Lair. I must be strong. Pray for me.
Giorgio Armani Mediterannean palette, £65 of your hard earned lizard coins.
What’s in your guilt-lined drawer of shame?
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oh – you look wonderful!!!!
It’s hell when you get suckered in to buying something from a sales person with great technique. I got suckered recently into spending £130 on skin products.
In fact, I’ll eee you a link to see just what a fucker of a day that was
Crack probably *is* cheaper, but you won’t look quite so pretty after £65 quid’s worth.
Bargain!
Ali x
M you look absolutely beautiful, all glowy and dewy and whatnot. I think that now it’s nearly summer (you know, that one Wednesday when it stops raining for 4 seconds) that we should have your opinions on bronzers. I am yet to find one that doesn’t make me look like I have a grubby face and need a good wash.
Wow, you look great, I love the bronzer.
Armani IS like crak I fleetingly considered selling my kidney to keep me in Armani for the rest of my life (which might be shorter due to having one kidney, but at least it will be prettier).
O/T, I feel you owe it to your readers to test a brand called Supergoop!, from Space NK.
ooh, i like the pattern of your dress, where is it from?
i really like the green, the closest i’ve ever found to a wearable green eyeshadow that didn’t make me look mentally ill was by bourjois but even then, people laughed.
Blimey that’s good. I had to peer quite closely to detect the green eye shadow, which proves how subtle it is. OK, goatworthy.
You look gorgeous, M! And yay, because you are the same colouring as me. Did you use the bronzer all over your face? I ask because I’m scared of bronzer and have not a clue about how to apply. Please enlighten me…
ParisBobo – I think E is best placed to discuss bronzers. However we will both probably agree that Armani (yes, him again, blast his lizard eyes!) is the King of bronzers. After all, who better than the Italian Sun God himself to give your face a sun kissed glow? They do lovely blush/bronzer duos and single bronzer pans too.
Anna – Supergoop! sounds like cup noodles meets facegoop. I like.
Poppy – The dress is from a charity shop! £3 on a dress, £65 on face powder. Go figure.
Nellig – The green does show up more in real life, but it’s more like a neutral grey-green, if that makes any sense. I’ve tried to photograph it but it just doesn’t want to play.
Em – I used the bronzer in a figure of 3, in the manner described by Tim Quinn, Celebrity Face Designer (snigger) in this video: http://www.giorgioarmanibeauty-usa.com/_us/_en/lookandtips/dress-code-for-face.aspx
It’s called “Dress code for face”. HA.
Oh shit I just went and bought this. You got me
Oh Poppy. You won’t be sorry. Bwahahahahhahahaha.
Does it shatter easily? That’s my main criteria when buying compacts, I dropped a newly acquired mac bronzer on the bus the other day and the whole thing puffed into the air and settled on everyones wet coats. Too scared to open this.
Oh. My. God. Three is the magic number! I tried that technique (albeit with a cheaper, less algorithm-esque product) and it worked wonders! The only problem I have now is that I need Armani products, woe!
Thank you. I tried the figure of 3 and it worked (I think). Will wait for daylight before letting the public see.
Chanel’s Nypmphea is also a great green eyeshadow palette. I love the subtle shimmer greens that don’t make you look like a clown
[...] E: Yes. I noticed. You are in the grip of powerful cosmetic forces, making you buy 65 quid eyeshadow palettes. [...]