Face Goop

Taupe Anatomy

E: As surgeons, we hold life in our hands every day. Our every decision could mean the difference between life and death. As surgeons, our eye shadow can mean the difference between life and death.

M: Who are you talking to?

E: The viewers, M. Or should that be Yang.

M: [Rolls eyes].

E: I am doing a Voiceover. A tediously repetitive and overwrought voiceover. To be repeated at the end of the post.

M: Right, well while you are busy having fun with your little friends the McViewers, I have more important things to do. Like fixing this SERVER, Grey.

E: Oh god, we hadn’t thought this through. I don’t want to be Grey.

M: YOU ARE TOTALLY GREY.

E: Oh god. Ok. Forget about the server. The server is not important. Leave the server Cristina. We need to have intense girlish chat. You must be abrasive and full of good sense. I must be annoyingly wet.

M: Oh, the server is important. How can you say the server is not important? Seriously? Seriously? The server is important. I was left at the altar because of the server.

E: No. Seriously? This isn’t even ABOUT the server. Stop talking about the server. We need to talk about something more important. There are more important things than the server, Cristina.

M: Fine. Let’s talk about you, Meredith. You and your subtly defined eyes.

E: Thank you Cristina. Your eyes are also subtly defined. As surgeons, our eyes must be defined.

M: Yes, even though you can barely see them because of how much I am rolling them around in their sockets.

E: Should we sit on a gurney to talk about this?

M: Sure, yeah, whatever. I am going to stare moodily in the distance, exuding scorn and disdain from every inch of my porcelain skin.

E: Why do you think we surgeons love taupe so much?

M: Because it is work appropriate. And also, universally flattering. We’re all about the universal love, here at whatever the fuck this hospital is called.

E: Facegoop Grace Hospital. What taupe are you using Cristina? Will you tell me what it is if I get you an amazing surgery? With pulsating hearts for you to hold in your bare hands?

M: I have a nice one from No.7. And I also mix two of the colours from my armani palette. That is because, unlike you pathetic interns, as a surgeon, I like to experiment with cutting edge techniques.

Ei: You practise obsessively in the scrub room, don’t you? For hour after single-minded hour, blending.

M: Yes. When I am not busy snogging inappropriate men. And by inappropriate, I mean crazy.

E: Can I tell you about MY taupe?

M: What’s your taupe, Meredith? I bet it is earnest. So earnest.

E: I use Armani Mono Shadow in “Maestro”.

M: Predictable. Reliable.

E: You know what Cristina? It is GOOD. The taupe is GOOD. It makes me feel good about taupe.

M: Good. It’s good taupe.

E: I never thought I would say this, but taupe? It’s GOOD. Good taupe.

M: It certainly is. It is good.

E: The goodest of good taupes. Taupe. Good. Is it voiceover time?

M: [Rolls eyes].

E: As surgeons.. nah, forget it. I’m bored.

M: Let’s go throw fruit at that annoying blonde girl. Is she dead yet?

What’s your favourite taupe, interns?