Diamond Tome Microdermabrasion update

M: E, I need to show you something before I pass out.

E: Will I like it? Is it an eagle? Or a pony?

M: Unlikely. And no, it is neither an eagle nor a pony.

E: Uh oh. Go on.

M: Do you like belly button fluff?

E: NO! I don’t like where this is going.

M: Right. Well, check this out:

E: Eeeeeeeeeew! What in the name of holy hell is THAT?

M: Yeah. That shit came off my FACE.

E: OH GOD.You’ve been back to the diamond hoover, haven’t you?

M: Yup. That, my friend, is the shit that’s been hoovered off my face. Dead skin cells. Makeup residue. Crud. The nice lady gave it to me in a little plastic zip bag to take home, when I asked if I could take a picture of it.

E: Oh GOD. You took your dead skin cells home with you. That’s gross

M: Yeah.

E: Though, I suppose I am carrying mine around with me too. ON MY FACE.

M: It’s my new pet. I talk to it at night.

“Hey you. How are you doing? Aren’t you much happier in this little plastic bag?”

E: You’ve managed to gross me out. I thought I could withstand any amount of gross. I live with two small boys and a dog. Eh ben, bravo.

M: “My face is so much smoother and cleaner without you”.

E: If I’d known this would happen, I would never have started this stupid blog.

M: “My pores are smaller. My angry monkey face has gone. I don’t really mind going out with no makeup”

E: You’re talking. TO DEAD SKIN CELLS.

M: You saw me recently though. Isn’t my skin much better? ISN’T IT?

E: Yeah. Your skin looks great. Glowy. Fresh. Really really good. It’s your brain I’m worried about.

M: It’s a small price to pay, E, it’s a small price to pay.

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M likes bright powders in tiny pots and anything that will make her hair more Jen Brill and less Shaun the Sheep.


  • July 29, 2010

    Alison Cross

    oooh I LOVE this sort of thing. Do you remember those salesmen who tried to flog you a massively expensive hoover that could get the crud out from the depths of your shag pile? I used to INVITE them into my home and make them hoover my mattress so that I could see all the yeuk that got sooked out.

    This Facegoopiness appeals to me on a similar level. I must get my face hoovered to see what crap comes off. Will it turn me into Elle MacPherson? Is there a DIY home kit that we can buy that works a similar magic?

    Fab news that it has removed your angry monkey face – how often will you need to top up on the procedure to keep it at bay?

    Ali x

  • July 29, 2010


    Ewwwwwww carpet crud.
    There do seem to be a few DIY kits, especially in the US, but I’m not sure I’d really trust them to do the job without irritation.

    I got a course of 6 treatments and still have a couple left, after that I’ll just keep on using the products they recommended. You and I have discussed The Figure, Alison, and I can now say it was absolutely worth it.

  • July 29, 2010


    I just wondered where you can go to get this treatment? It sounds like something that might actually work!

  • July 29, 2010


    Next you’ll be doing those Hopi earwax candles and dissecting them afterwards to see what you’ve sucked out of your external auditory meatus

  • July 29, 2010


    I imagine this is like the feeling the dyson gave my Dad when he first used after years of ordinary hoovers. I believe he was mortified/fascinated by the amount of carpet crud it sucked up.

  • July 29, 2010

    Mariah Carey

    I sicked up a little in my mouth. Celeb secret, I use something similar but it’s the size of an angle-grinder. I totally wear goggles and don’t take them off until they carry off the pad to be burnt up in the special hollywood celebrity-offcuts incinerator. x kisses MC

  • July 30, 2010

    Alison Cross

    Nominated you for a Beautiful Blogger award, but if you’ve won it so many times that you don’t feel like taking part, it’s ok :-)

    Ali x

  • July 30, 2010

    Modesty Brown

    I think they may have sucked up some little grey cells too if you’re talking to your skin detritus dude! Your skin does indeed look very good. Whatever size of King’s ransom it is for this face hoovering it looks totally worth it.

  • August 1, 2010


    You know, I’d mostly say I’d rather be clever than beautiful, but I think M’s diamond hoovering/reading magazines too much has changed my mind!

    I have a Face Goop question for you experts. My hair is growing very, very slowly. I would like it to be long and nice again, instead of the short, annoying bob I have now. Are there any dubiously -scientifically back products for this?

  • August 1, 2010


    Dude, why is my picture not there? Has Face Goop determined that I am not beautiful enough to be seen?

  • August 1, 2010


    Are all microdermabrasion treatments this diamond one – very interested but doesn’t clearly seem to be anywhere in UK/London that does it…. Any ideas?

  • August 1, 2010


    niki72 – I get mine at a local salon, I guess it depends where you live!

    Lisa-Marie – no idea why your photo isn’t there. Something to do with your gravatar settings? Weird. Facegoop totally ate your face.

    Karla – I think there are different types of microdermabrasion from different brands. A quick google of “diamond tome london” came up with results, so I’m sure you could find one in your area!

  • August 1, 2010


    M, in no not either, and yes, Facegoop appears to have eaten my face! it’s still on my head though, so no worries!

  • August 3, 2010


    That looks amazing. I am not sure if I can justify it having just mortgaged my house to purchase one of the Clarisonic facial brushes (also amazing), but I am going to investigate…!

    I love this blog :) x

  • […] M: Well, you know how I’ve just finished my course of face hoovering. […]

  • December 15, 2010


    Hi, I have had the diamondtome microdermabrasion and it has done wonders for my skin, it is smooth silky and glowing I now have this treatment (not cheap) but well worth it, once every 6 – 8 weeks at Skindeep Laser & Beauty in coventry, it is relaxing and I get a neck & shoulder massage with it whilst lying on a wondefully warm waterbed and the therapists really look after you. I would recommend this treatment to anyone looking to improve their skin. For January 2011 instead of £60.00 per treatment they have an offer on 4 treatments for £196.00 which work out at £49.00 per treatment. I have booked my next 4.

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