Laura Mercier vs ELF – the concealer battle

E: M, the elves have been busy again

M: Yes! They have sent us another package.

E: Instead of mending shoes over night, they have been sending us packages of stuff

E: The man in the post office stares at me like a halfwit when I collect them. He’s got a THING for me and my elven packages.

M: What kind of thing? Like, a creepy he’s rubbing his trousers beneath the counter thing?

E: A starey thing. He doesn’t speak, he just stares at my face. Really closely. It’s probably all the elven makeup. Or maybe he’s thinking “that girl could do with a decent concealer” See what I did there???

M: Yes, E, very good. Maybe, MAYBE he’s thinking – WOW. What a flawless complexion. Where can I get myself some of this shitz?

E: That seems unlikely in suburban Belgium, but maybe he is.

M: I need to come clean. I wrote a letter to Santa and asked him to send us some of this concealer.

E: Aha!

M: Because Lisa Eldridge, the patron saint of cosmetic zombies, used it in one of her videos. And she said it was quite good.

E: Saint Lisa is never wrong. So what do you think of the Elven concealer?

M: Well, it’s tiny, innit. Made for elves, by elves.

E: Yeah. You don’t need much though.

M: I use tan. It’s a perfect match for me.

E: I use “corpse”.

M: That’s what I said to the elves. “Send E whatever the palest shade is”. I find it a bit hard to put on though.

E: Yes. So did I. I used my Laura mercier brush, which was very pissed off to be used with someone else’s product. I think it’s sulking.

M: Was it like you’d set it up on a blind date with a girl from the ghetto?

E: Yes. One with a full beard.

M: I’ve been using my No7 eyeliner brush, which is small but not entirely adequate. It needs to be warmed up a bit on the hand first I find.

E: Yes, I agree. but the colour and coverage are good. And it’s, what, 3 pence?

M: The problem is, of course, that I wanted to compare it to Laura Mercier’s nuclear-grade secret camouflage so I went out and bought some. Because I had to compare, you see? I just had to.

E: You “had” to.

M: And I do like that one better, though it costs 25 gazillion times more. It’s more stiff and dry. But somehow more creamy on the skin.

E: I do love me a bit of SC. I’m on the Mercier Special Ops team. SC is better.

M: I think we need to do some sort of chart. I like charts.

E; Ok, M.

M: what goes on the chart?

E: Cost. Ease of application. Cuteness. Fear of a swift, deadly professional assassination.

ELF sent us the concealer for review.

ELF studio concealer, £3.50

Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage, £25 and a bullet in the neck.

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M likes bright powders in tiny pots and anything that will make her hair more Jen Brill and less Shaun the Sheep.

13 Comments

  • October 22, 2010

    Lisa-Marie

    I am impressed by the chart, it is very scientific.

    I have a question though. Are they ‘I am a bit spotty’ type concealers or ‘make you dark circles go away and you look less dead’ concealers?

    I fall into the latter type of concealer buying category, as I mercifully don’t often get spots, but I am pale like E, so after a couple of bad nights’ sleep look like a member of the Twilight cast without the alluring beauty(yes, I love Edward, I am not even ashamed).

  • October 22, 2010

    M

    They are to conceal skin imperfections, not really for dark circles. They’re a bit too thick for that, though I do occasionally use it to blur the line between dark undereye and normal skin.

    HA! I almost sound like I know what I’m talking about. FOOLS.

  • October 22, 2010

    Nani

    BAHAHAH! This review is freaking hilarious! XD

  • October 22, 2010

    Betty

    More graphs in future reviews, please.

  • October 22, 2010

    Nellig

    Why can’t all cosmetics reviews be like this? That graph is just… wow. I feel so fully informed. Even about the so rarely-addressed assassination angle.

    Outstanding.

  • October 22, 2010

    M

    Phat excel skillz. I haz them.

  • October 22, 2010

    Modesty Brown

    I like a bit of research. I feel I need to compare these concealers for myself. Love excel, not so keen on a bullet in the neck though. I fear as I’d have to enter to downtown Reading to get the LM, the bullet probably isn’t optional!
    MB x

  • October 23, 2010

    Sam

    I’d take a bullet in the neck for Saint Lisa.

  • October 24, 2010

    Julie

    Is it proper corpse shade? Not corpse that died three days after applying a bit of St Tropez shade? Because that’s what I need. I’m half Irish and grew up in the North West. You get the idea. Maybe you could do a corpse shade make up special for us special see through people. Or ‘English roses’ as the magazines kindly call us.

    ( I’m really making myself sound gorgeous in my comments lately. Spotty and Casper coloured. Daaamn I’m hot!)

  • October 25, 2010

    Alison Cross

    *impressed face* very scientific, very profeshnial.

    Glad to see the pant-wettingly funny commentary is running true to form. Made my day, ladies….made my day :-)

    Ali of the damp breeks

  • November 21, 2010

    Dara

    I love SC. I use it to blur the dark edges. That, and vodka.

  • December 7, 2010

    ellie

    I too would like english rose analysis. With graphs.

  • […] M: I made an Excel spreadsheet to compare Laura Mercier and ELF concealers. […]

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