Maybelline Papaya Milk lipstick review
M: I bought a new lipstick today. It’s called Papaya Wind or something.
E: Sounds corally. A coral wind, blowing across the eastern hemisphere. I need to start taking my tablets again don’t I?
M: Yes. Yes you do. Oh, it’s called “Papaya Milk”. Do papayas have udders?
E: They are pretty weirdly shaped, they might have udders. I’m not big on .. nature.
M: Or fruit. Actually, papayas are teat-shaped.
E: Well. Have you ever tried to milk one? Maybe you should.
M: I’m having a really disturbing mental picture of a lipstick coming out of a papaya. That is some gross shit, dude. The stuff of nightmares.
E:What in the name of holy fuck, M? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I didn’t think it was possible to make a lipstick blush, but that one’s blushing. I think we’ve finally gone too far. Why are we talking about milking tropical fruit again?
M: LIPSTICK. That’s why. It’s good, this lactose papaya. It’s bright, and creamy, and easy to apply.
E: Who makes this lactose papaya?
M: Maybelline.
E: Nice. Cheap.
M: Yup. Shame the case feels like it’s made of plastic. The cheap kind.
E: What colour would you call it, the lactose papaya?
M: Erm, papaya coloured? That’s not going to cut it with our eagle eyed readers, is it.
E: They’ll just be so astonished we’re posting again, they’ll forgive you.
M: Or did you mean the case? YOU ARE CONFUSING ME. FIRST YOU MAKE ME MILK A PAPAYA, NOW THIS.
E: I am sorry. We are out of practice. The case is muddy red, then and the lipstick is .. papaya coloured?
M: Yes. Sob. Can we take ourselves out of our misery, please?
E: Of course. I will hit you with this unripe papaya until you lose consciousness, would that work?
M: You might as well try.
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Ooh, it’s pretty! Tell me though, in its milky papayaness, does it smell like vomit? ‘Coz I’ve always felt that papaya smells precisely like vomit and I’m thinking that if papayaa could be milked, the result would smell similarly. Vomit smelling fruit milk would be even nastier than regular fruit milk surely? It sure is pretty though so it probably doesn’t smell as evil as its namesake might…and hell, if icecream makers in Covent Garden can sell breast-milk icecream, papaya milk lipstick is surely nothing to worry about?!
Also, welcome back! We’ve missed you!!
Breast milk ice-cream? I’ve missed this. My stomach is continuously churning now.
I like the colour of this papaya stuff. It looks rather fetching on you. The plastic doesn’t sound so good. It’s got to be better than milky vomit though?!
I know, the breast milk icecream freaked me out a bit too!
For more stomach churning info: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-12569011
Freaked you out… “a bit”? A BIT????
I have abstained from replying to comments on this for fear of vomiting a little bit in my mouth. What next? Horse cheese? Racoon yoghurt? UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.
Breast milk ice cream is right up there with the bull spunk hair conditioner on the list of Things I Do Not Want Near Me Ever.
Uck. I’m in London and the thought of this icecream being on sale within a couple of miles of me makes me feel all weird. Although having read that BBC article I am liking the idea of it coming with a shot of Calpol. Not so much the shot of Bonjela, which would surely just make your mouth numb? Maybe it’s needed to stop your tastebuds registering the breast juice.
Anyway, back to the lipstick. Did you buy a papaya to take that evocative shot, or is this how Maybelline are advertising their wares now? I thought they mostly used giant pictures of New York and an aging Buffy.