We’re back

M: What year is this?

E: I dunno, M. The year two thousand and SHAME, maybe. There has been a catastrophic fracture in the goop/time continuum. What are we doing here? What are we talking about? Hang on, who are you, and why have you got durian peel in your hair?

M: Wait, it’s all coming back to me now… One minute, I was at the hairdresser getting my head steamed, then the next..

E: Yes? Yes?


E: What is it, M?


E: Ok. Enough of the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhs. This isn’t getting any beauty dissected, and, full disclosure: I don’t think I have used moisturiser for about 6 months. WHAT HAPPENED TO US?


E: Oh dear, oh dear. Did Mr Armani abduct you? Or have you been sniffing dugongs again?

M: Probably, because I appear to be living in Cambodia now.

E: Oh, M.

M: Which is really fucking helpful, on the beauty front, let me tell you. When I’m not busy mopping up my facial sweat, I’m picking spiders from my hair.

E: A thousand ways with banana leaves. Elephant massage. Actually, that sounds great.

M: S’OK. I have accumulated many expensive fripperies during my time in my padded cell*. (*Singapore)

E: Phew. I am still in Belgium, living in an attic and talking to myself. I got some fripperies free in June and am still eking them out. I don’t think I’ve worn makeup since August. My nails are sort of friable, chewed claws.

M: Dude. I have NGO worker legs. Not that I’m an NGO worker, mind. Just hairy like one.

E: Hahahahahahaha. ‘NGO worker legs’ Is this a defined term? “Get the NGO look!”

M: We are officially the worst beauty bloggists ever.

E: Yes. We are. We are not fit to clean beauty’s toilets. But we can change. It is January, the month of possibility. And I’ve got stuff to goop about.

M: What do you want to goop about?

E: Well, M, I am glad you asked me that. I want to Goop about some Dermologica scrub (free). And about how I don’t understand Khiel’s. And tell you about some body cream I wish to marry, from “””Frédéric Malle”””” who is not a person, but a sinister front for some French cult.

M: Like Jean-Louis David, which is just 3 random names pulled out of a hat.

E: Yes! It could just as easily be Marc Olivier François. Maybe I should start a hairdresser called that? And also, there is some weird ass shit you sent me from Singapore, including what appear to be several ‘mould your own death mask’ kits. And I need to talk about My Summer Of Scent Samples, which sounds like an extra boring indie coming of age movie. How about you?

M: I have: crazy neon pink lipstick of amazingness. Secret lotion that smells of vinegar mushrooms. A multitude of shitty mascaras. The best hair serum EVER. And the solution to angry monkey face.

E: COR. That’s a whole load of (slightly troubling) goop. The solution? You have CURED angry monkey face?

M: It does not, surprisingly, involve monkeys. I have been getting my kicks where I can, E.

E: Fair enough, elephant fondler.

M: Oh god. So much to do. I’m exhausted already. Can I go lie down now?

E: I suppose so, you lazy arse.

M: First I will do my ritualistic Sweeping of The Room for Giant Spiders. You?

E: I think I will adjust my Bra of Acute Rib Compression. Oh, M, I forgot to tell you.

M: Hmmm?

E: Last night, I had a hole in my tights so gigantic I took a picture of it for you. But then I realised that was mental.

M: I think you’re mistaking this for a fashion blog.

E: It was a really, really big hole. It encompassed a whole buttock. So: ritualistic spider sweeping and minimiser bra adjustments? This is our brave new 2012 new leaf and other things with ‘new’ in them?

M: In your FACE, 2012. We are back. And we will goop you.

E: Goop ON.

M: Is that like: walk on? said to a horse? (pony botherer)

E: I was aiming for “game on”, but now you’ve said that, it just sounds pitiful. Start as we mean to go on!

Related Posts with Thumbnails

M likes bright powders in tiny pots and anything that will make her hair more Jen Brill and less Shaun the Sheep.


  • January 16, 2012

    Get Lippie

    About frickin’ time … welcome back, we missed you!

  • January 16, 2012

    Betty Herbert

    Yaaaaaay! You’re back! I was wondering if I should start writing to your various embassies or something.

  • January 16, 2012


    My RSS feed just got a shitload more interesting. WELCOME BACK, YOU MAD CREATURES.

  • January 16, 2012


    Yeay! You’re back! I totally want to hear about how you fixed angry monkey face.

  • January 16, 2012

    Musing on Beauty

    (it’s a cheerleader) (I’m happy you’re back)

  • January 16, 2012


    Le great big sigh of relief…
    I can hardly wait. I can feel my beauty routine is about to get overhauled.
    Is the buttock-encompassing-hole in tight a prerequisite? Because, lemme tell ya, if it is, I am so there! That is an impressive tight-hole there, E, but yes, I can beat it.
    (I need to get some tights, as well as goopy goodies)

  • January 16, 2012


    Hurray you’re back! So excited.

  • January 16, 2012


    That’s the best picture I’ve seen all day.

    Thank goodness you’re back.

  • January 18, 2012



  • January 23, 2012


    Thank goodness you’re back! Was thinking I might have to do something like the w**k word instead … yes, HURRAH!, work avoidance goopiness is alive!

  • January 30, 2012


    Welcome back you crazy goopers you, so pleased to see you are back (in non stalkerish type way of course).

  • January 30, 2012


    hells yeah!

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