Iroisie cleanser review

E: What’s that tinkling noise I hear M? Is it your leper bell?

M: Yes, yes it is. My skin is.. leprous?

E: Small children recoiling from you on the street? GOOD. You’re going to want to know what I’m about to tell you then, because that’s exactly how I was before The Gloop.

M: “The Gloop”?

E: It is a possibly miraculous cleanser I have been using.

M: TELL ME ABOUT THE MIRACLE CLEANSER. I want facts, E. FACTS. What texture is it? What does it smell of?

E: Hang on, hold up, you’re going way too fast. First I have to tell you about the BEFORE, in the manner of a lengthy daytime infomercial.

M: Fine, fine. But HURRY.

E: So. About 2 months ago my skin took against me in the most violent way. It tried to escape from my head. It simultaneously broke out and peeled and I had worse spots than I had EVER had. If I put anything on it, it screamed like a bansheee. Well, it visually screamed. You know what I mean.

M: It was the facial skin equivalent of “The Scream”.

E: yes!

M: (note to self: do not google “bubons”)

E: (EWWWWWWW) In this state, I had to go to a beauty presentation. Embarrassing. I considered not going. I considered a facial exorcism. But in the end I just powdered up my entire visage with Laura Mercier Secret Squirrel Mineral Powder (that is not its name) to create an inch thick geisha mask.


E: OK FINE, CRANKYPANTS. The presentation was about a French brand called Iroisie. It is made out of sea and Brittany mountains and seagull guano for all I know, but the lady from Iroisie had beautiful skin.

M: Sounds healthy. And briny.

E: Yes. She said that it was very carefully devised not to fuck with the balance of your skin, and organic and free of nasties. Which was music to my scaly ears.

M: What did she give you?

E: Well. She was actually giving me a BB cream, but I was so totally seduced by her briny spiel, that I bought some gel cleanser.

M: “Gelee douceur demaquillante.” Makeup removing softness jelly. Interesting.

E: Oui. And you know what? That is some good (seagull) shit. Though the gelée has the feeble, wibbly texture of vegan jelly.

M: The website shows pictures of papaya, limes, and the green green sea. This does not sound like “douceur” to me. I like that it says the papaya “unwrinkles” your skin though.

E: All hail the mighty papaya. It is “doux” though. No tightness, no irritation. Soft skin. AND! Most importantly the monkey face receded quite dramatically.

M: How fast? HOW FAST?

E: Maybe 4 days? I mean, it could be a complete coincidence that my monkey face cleared up the, but what are the chances?

M: No. I am a firm believer in the power of Cleansing.

E: I’m not, but this was some good sea-based jelly. Highly recommended. The BB cream was very good too, actually. Faintly medicated. Caused no irritation. Covered some of the hideousness while Miracle Cleanser did its work.

M: I see. And how much did this all set you back?

E: The BB cream is £29.90. Dear, I think, for quite a small tube, but pretty good. The cleanser cost 17 of my continental Euros, but it appears to cost an eye-watering 22 of your British pounds here.
That is expensive for a cleanser, but what price getting rid of monkey face?

M: Not scaring small children on the street: priceless.

E: Indeed. I am going back to get some more today even though I have less money than … Greece. That is all the conclusion you need.

M: Iroisie: worth a few drachmas of anyone’s money.

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M likes bright powders in tiny pots and anything that will make her hair more Jen Brill and less Shaun the Sheep.


  • May 31, 2012


    Excuse my tangent from the topic of facial-leprosy cures, but I’ve got to ask this: what does the “BB” in “BB cream” stand for? The first time I saw the term, I thought it was a brand name but now I see that about 10 different brands make one.

  • May 31, 2012


    It means “Blemish Balm”. It’s Korean for “Geisha mask.”

  • May 31, 2012


    It’s a sort of tinted moisturiser/concealer/SPF all in one miracle cream. Which, as M points out, can on occasion look somewhat like a geisha mask. Not the Iroisie one though.

  • July 17, 2012


    Where are you? Something must have happened to you both in the last couple of months?
    Come back and make me giggle

  • August 4, 2012

    Walter the Softie

    Geisha Mask! That’s *exactly* what’s wrong with the new formula for my previously total favourite Dermalogica product ‘redness relief’ moisturiser. They bumped the SPF from 15 up to 20 and now if I use it I look like Shrek. Especially around the eyebrows, and hairline. Except with bright red cheeks from vigorous attempts to rub the blasted stuff in, which rather defeats the purpose of ‘redness relief’.

    Having said that, it is the only Dermalogica product that is a dud, and I swear by the rest of their oeuvre, including the daily microfoliant for which I have you to thank for the introduction. Silky loveliness indeed.

    Echoing Sacha, please come back.

  • […] Must you? We did my vegan jelly cleanser last […]

  • November 9, 2012

    La Feuille | belgofiles

    […] the Iroisie Gel Cleanser, which is, as the young people say, the “bomb”.) Share this:TwitterFacebookLike […]

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