M: E, you know I favour bright lipsticks. Even more so now that I go swing dancing 15 times a week. The bright lip. It is essential.
E: So I hear. As essential as the full Brooklyn beard on the gentlemen.
M: However if you are not careful, you end up looking like a vampire who has been gorging on blood. Lipstick all over the face. Horrible ring of nastiness where it’s disappeared.
E: Dude, are you sure you’re doing this dancing thing right? Why do you need to smear your face on people?
M: It is all perfectly legit. But the lipstick needs to be long lasting.
E: You are licking those beards, aren’t you.
M: NO. Shall I tell you about my current favourites?
E: Do, please.
M: First: Laura Mercier lip stain. Mine is called “Mulberry” and it is a sort of dark berry colour. And when I say “mine”, I mean “I stole it from my flatmate”
E: Ha! I wondered where you were getting your sweaty fists on Laura Mercier cash.
M: It’s a very long lasting stain and the beauty of it is that it’s freakishly moisturizing. HOW DOES THAT WORK?
E: That’s FBI classified information, madam. Code black, need to know basis.
M: Laura Mercier would have to kill us if we knew
(she would do it herself)
(with a sniper rifle)
E: Don’t think she wouldn’t do it, she totally would. Let’s move onto less mortally dangerous lip colours please, M.
M: My second option is a double pronged affair. I start by colouring in my lips with a Revlon marker pen.
It smells of fruit.
E: “Just Bitten” Ow. See, that is not a selling point to me.
M: Yeah. See what I mean about the vampires. To compound the weirdness, mine is called “Passion”, I think. A sort of bright pink.
E: BEARD PASSION.
M: Shhh. So I colour my lips in, being careful to not go over the lines lest the teacher scold me.Then I apply a layer of Rimmel Kate Moss lipstick. I do not know its name.
E: “Lasting Finish”, I believe, M.
M: I meant the colour name. It is “22″: a matte bright pink-red. And the magic of this two stage thingy is that when the lipstick wears off, you are still left with bright colour on your lips! WOOP. I am pretty proud of my trick. EVERYBODY SHOULD BE DOING IT.
E: Everybody .. except me. You know what a lipcoward I am. I want to try this, but I don’t dare.
M: You are pathetic. I’m wondering whether maybe I shouldn’t even tell you about the third lipstick.
E: It’s ok, I can take it.
M: It might scare you away.
E: I am doing my yoga breathing. I can do this. Come on, flood me with lip colour.
M: Ok, it is Shiseido and was brought back from duty free by the flatmate(best. flatmate. EVER). Perfect Rouge, it is called, in shade “RD 514″, which has the added bonus of making it sound like an experiment. It is a proper red, deep and rich. It is very good quality. Moisturising, long lasting, unique, light reflecting colour. I am convinced, Shiseido.
E: Nice. I am glad you are out there doing colour. I can live vicariously through you, like a lipstick Miss Havisham.
M: You need to try it. It will brighten your life.
E: My sad, lonely, life. M, you have convinced me. I am going to try, but you are not to laugh when I look like a sad bowl of porridge with some jam in.
M: Be brave. You suit bright colours. WIth your pale complexion. OH GOD WE ARE BACK AT VAMPIRES AGAIN.