Estee Lauder Insatiable varnish review
E: Things have been pretty ropey, beauty wise round at the Facegoop Beauty HQ.
M: I blame winter.
E: Yup, winter, you merciless, never-ending bastard. I have an eye infection. I look like my face has been savaged by hungry vultures. I have gone through twice my bodyweight in Laura Mercier mineral powder in three months. My beauty routine is now reduced to slapping whale grease on my chest twice daily, whilst weeping.
M: Tell me about it. My skin is scaly. My split ends epic.
E: My split NAILS are epic.
M: We are basically harpies. Harridans. HORRORS.
E: Gorgons. We scare off sailors at night. However. There is one tiny bright spot on the beauty horizon.
M: Is there? I can’t see anything, for it is half past two in the afternoon and already twilight.
E: Look closer. There is a tiny, purply grey spot of hope.
M: A purply grey spot does not sound promising, E. I have plenty of those, and I do not feel beautiful, let me tell you.
E: It’s ok, this purply grey bright spot is on my nails, for M, I have not only bought a nail polish I love, I have managed to apply it. SEVERAL TIMES. Look!
M: Nice. What is that you are holding on to? A glass of wine?
E: Possibly. Do you wish to make something of it?
M: No, no, I do not judge. I wholly approve of these new fingerclaws. It’s a nice colour. It suits you. It makes your breton top look effortlessly chic.
E: Thank you. “Effortlessly chic” = words never, ever associated with me, ever, not even by close relatives or men trying to get into my pants. That is how good this polish is. It is delicious. Its is Estée Lauder’s “Insatiable”. I don’t suppose she meant “insatiable for wine”, did she?
M: Would you describe yourself as insatiable, E?
E: No. Give me a bar of Milka TUC and some cheap red wine and I am easily satiated.
M: And is lavender grey your spirit animal colour of choice?
E: It might be. It is a nice colour. But being a nice colour only gets you so far. There are many nice colours in the world. The fantastic thing about this one is that it STAYS ON. IT DOES NOT CHIP. Seriously. I can usually worry my varnish off in under an hour. This lasted, like, five whole DAYS.
M: Is it easy to put on? Is it gloopy? annoyingly thin?
E: Like Our goopalike, Gwynnie? No. It’s almost perfect and I do not use that word lightly. It goes on smoothly, ungloopily, in the appropriate quantities leaving a nice smooth finish.
M: Whoa. I need to get me some of that stuff. Granny Lauder, she sure does know a thing or two about beauty.
E: One major reservation though. The brush has fallen out of the lid. I am having to shove it back up there on each application.
M: Errrrr. So by “perfect”, you meant “shit”.
E: No, despite this design flaw, I would quite literally go out to an actual shop AGAIN to buy another of these (it is a limited edition). That is how good the polish is. Also, it makes me want to investigate Granny Lauder’s varnishes more thoroughly.
M: Me too. Ha! E, did you know the Estée Lauder Spring 2013 Nail Varnish collection is called .. wait for it… ”HEAVY PETAL”
E: Oh dear.
Estée Lauder Pure Color Nail Lacquer in Insatiable, £14.50
I am not even a good target market in that I am not much of a makeup fiend (OK, I wear it only under duress, for work, in the hopes of seeming like management material HA HA HA) but I just realized how happy I am that you posted here again. I love your Face Goop reviews so. They always cheer me up with the space lizards and so on. Please post more. xoxo, your stalker always, L.
Love this colour on you.
Just to say that you may want to try Chanel’s April. It is almost seasonal, and more to the point red and pink and possibly purplish and it works well with really pale skin (Emma?). I never ever like nail polish colours on me, however much I would want to be that sort of sophisticated creature. Now I know – this is the one.
Julie! I bought Chanel April last year because I loved it SO MUCH in the bottle, but on my fingerclaws, some sad reverse alchemy happens and it just looks .. eh. I will keep trying, however, because Chanel. Dear. Must not be defeated. Better on toeclaws, anyway.
L – Thank you! We have major plans for HEAVY SPRING GOOPAGE. Stick around.
OPI’s ‘Mrs O’Leary’s BBQ’, and Chanel’s ‘Rouge Fatal’. Do not question, just buy. I’ve even repurchased the Chanel once, which means it has got to be pretty as Chanel polishes are crap.
‘Heavy Petal’ has confirmed my dream of some day scoring a side gig in naming make up products.