E: So, M. Inspired by your bright lips shenanigans I raided my local pharmacy-type-boots-type-drugstore place for cheap brightness, even though I have no plans to rub my face on dancing beards. Maybe a horse. But they don’t expect you to wear make up.
M: Oh yes? And what did you buy?
E: I cannot pretend I was really “feeling it”, the bright lip thing, but I persevered. They did not have Revlon so I bought a bright pink felt tip by Maybelline. It is called “Colour Sensational”. The sensation in question must be ‘extreme, painful dehydration’, for I have to tell you M, this felt tip pen for lips is AWFUL.
M: Uh oh. What does it do?
E: It is exactly the same as drawing on your lips with a felt tip pen when you are six.
M: Yes. But with a better selection of colours.
E: I suppose. And to give it its due, it’s more like the posh felt tip pens some of my mates were allowed that were scented, because it smells strongly of synthetic fruit flavouring. However, it also desiccated my lips to a husk.
M: Dry like the desert. And not “dessert” as I initially wrote.
E: A dry dessert is a sad, sad, thing.
M: True fact. Did you basically end up looking like Ogra from the Dark Crystal?
E: Yes. Yes I did (what the fuck is that?).
M: Does it have a built-in balm? I find that helps.
E: No, that might have helped. I hate it with the heat of a thousand suns. My children can use it to colour in the dog. It is never going near my face again.
M: Oh dear. But did you layer under lipstick? You are supposed to layer under lipstick, idiot!
E: I AM COMING TO THAT. Yes. I layered under a Rimmel Kate Moss lipstick, poetically called “5”. The Kate Moss was like an OASIS TO A DYING CAMEL after that felt tip pen débâcle.
E: Yes. It brought my sad sad lips back to a semblance of life. I was quite impressed with the formulation, which was really quite moisturising. Props, Rimmel.
M: Good. Were you pleased with the results, aesthetically?
E: I have sent you a picture.
M: Oh, very good. Very ‘modern’.
E: What do you think? It is bright. Flattering-ish? More or less suits my cadaverous complexion (though someone on my other blog disagreed and said it was too blue)?
M: Yes. You have a bit of the Bieber post-concert going on. I like it.
E: Yeah, that’s not really the look I was aiming for, but .. thanks?
M: Tell us about your adventures in bright lips, Facegoopists.