M: E, I AM EXCITED.
E: Goodness, that’s unusual.
M: It is spring!!! SPRIIIIING!
E: Hmm. You say that and yet it is still 5 degrees and the news is all dead lambs.
M: No, E. Usually I am all doom and gloom and “oh my skin is like kapok bark” and whine whine whine first world problems.
E: Yup, that’s why we are friends. A shared belief in the therapeutic properties of whining.
M: But not today. Today I am excited about something other than meat and elephant webcams. IT IS THIS NEW FOUNDATION. It may very well be my most favourite beauty purchase ever. EVER EVER EVER.
E: New foundation, you say? How on earth can you afford it? Have you been robbing pensioners on the mean streets of Hackney? Fleecing hipsters? Patting down buggy toting organic mummies?
M: No. I literally spent my last £10.99 on it. YES. You have read that right. My new foundation is a cheapo. And it is amazing.
E: But! But but but. Beauty orthodoxy says “cheap foundation is always shit”. Could it be that this is actually … A LIE?
M: Before you get excited about it, every other blogger has already covered it so it is nothing new and special, unless you are idiots like us.
E: I’m living in a low lit bubble with a vomiting child and an aggressive hoover this week, it’s new and special for ME. What is this wonder fluid?
M: Well. Imagine if Becca Luminous whatever the hell it’s called was cheap. And available in every Boots across the nation.
E: Impossible. It’s made from Australian sunshine and baby koala breath.
M: Imagine if it came in a good range of shades, even one that worked for my yellow toned troubled skin prone to redness.
M: IMAGINE, if you will, that it had SERUM in it. And actually made your skin better. More hydrated. MORE CALM. I am hyperventilating at the thought of it.
E: This is the product of your fevered imagination, antibiotics and vitamin D deficiency. It’s a mirage, M. Here, take a pill before you get rickets.
M: NO. IT IS REAL. REAL REAL REALNESS. It is from Bourjois. It is their new reworked Healthy Mix serun foundation:
E: “Healthy mix”. What kind of a name is that? It sounds like a Boots meal deal.
M: Yes. It comes with a free fruit salad printed on the bottle. WHICH MAKES IT WONDERFUL.
E: M, you are blinded by LOVE. Foundation love. I need evidence. Is there a picture of your peachy skin to convince me please?
M: I was incapable of taking a picture where my hair was combed or half my face wasn’t contorted in a rictus of pain, but look:
E: That is actually very impressive. You look dewy and natural and radiant.
M: Yup. And it stays on all day. It evens out everything. I can’t feel it on my skin. It does not make me break out. It is, in a word, PERFECT.
E: Good lord. Is this … the cheap foundation HOLY GRAIL? Hiding, all this time, in plain sight in a chemists?
M: It is. Dear Bourjois: I take back every bad thing I have ever said about you
E: Ok. I’m convinced. I’m beating a path to the nearest stupidly named pharmacy in these isles to GET ME SOME.
M: YOU MUST.
E: EMPHATIC CAPITALS.
M: TOTALLY EMPHATIC.
E: HERE WE ARE, HANGING OUT ON OUR WEBLOG, SHOUTING ABOUT FOUNDATION LIKE MAD OLD LADIES ON STREET CORNERS.
M: IT WAS BOUND TO COME TO THIS ONE DAY.
M wears shade 55