Caudalie Beauty Elixir review

M: E, I’m confused. Since getting a full time job, I’ve become one of those people who sprays Caudalie at her desk.

E: Ha! The Eau de Beauté? That stuff tingles.

M: Hmph. It doesn’t really do it for me, apart from the nice smell.

E: Isn’t it supposed to turn you into a Hungarian Empress? Or Queen?

M: If life were a Disney film, perhaps.

E: What is the point of facial sprays anyway apart from a pleasant distraction in the working day? My mother in law buys me two a year, so it would be good to know.

M: It is supposed to ‘smooth away fine lines, tighten pores and give the complexion an instant boost of radiance’.

E: See, how does that work, because if your skin was porous to a fine spray of water WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN IT RAINS?

M: Well, there are suspended oils in the water, by the looks of the creepy orange tide mark inside the bottle. ‘C’est normal, c’est les huiles essentielles’, said the french pharmacist.


E: That is the French answer to everything. ‘Your capybaras have escaped!’ ‘C’est normal’.

M: She may or may not have actually been a pharmacist. Perhaps she just wandered in from the street. I mean, she wasn’t even wearing a lab coat. What do you do with your 34 facial sprays?

E: I put them in my handbag and spray them on my face when it’s really hot, so: three days a year.

M: Here’s a warning for you: don’t spray this stuff in your eyes.

E: No, indeed. Stings.

M: Red-eyed mole is not a good look.

E: Less Hungarian queen, more World of Warcraft addict.

M: Anyway, this just leaves a weird sheeny film on me. It may have a sort of temporary plumping effect. Is that how hungarian empresses looked? Plump and shiny?

E: Like seals? Possibly. Have you tried the other Caudalie spray? Eau de raisin?

M: There are two? No.

E: Yeah. No oils in that one. It smells… musty.

M: Like the lesser, uglier little sister of fairy tales.

E: I have also used those big ones you get in French pharmacies that are just a bottle of water and frankly, a spray bottle from Robert Dyas and some tap would do the same job. I mean, if a fine mist of water on one’s face is good for the skin, we should both just move to Scotland.

M: You forget about the winds, E. Ruddy red cheeks. That’s the look we’re all going for.

E: That’s the buckfast.

M: So, eau de beauté just leaves me confused. Sweet smelling, possibly a bit more spritely, but CONFUSED.

E: Whatever you do, don’t leave a comment on the Caudalie website to that effect. They categorise you by age and skin type. “Aida Mustapha, 25-34, Oily” says a review of the Eau de Beauté.

M: “Madevi Dailly, 25-34, bemused”.

E: “Emma, 35-45, desiccated”.

Do you use facial sprays? What on earth for?

Caudalie Beauty Elixir, £32.00

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M likes bright powders in tiny pots and anything that will make her hair more Jen Brill and less Shaun the Sheep.


  • June 18, 2013

    Musing on Beauty

    Yes I do, but since I’m tired of explaining what and why, I’ll just give you a link instead and you can go and read, I swear I wrote only the truth.

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  • June 21, 2013


    I was bought a bottle of Jurlique rosewater spray, and it sat untouched on my dressing table for months, while I stared at it resentfully. But recently I discovered its purpose, well for me anyway. A light spritz over MAc strobe cream and cream blush creates an even more dewy finish, and I imagine it would stop foundation from looking cakey.

  • June 25, 2013


    These things never consider those of us who are already rather round of face. I don’t want to be emplumpend, I want a spray that dissolves that and gives me jagged, haughty cheekbones.

    Joi, 20-30, spherical

  • July 3, 2013


    Your posts make me laugh out loud everytime yet somehow very informative. I do love a good spritz and this one is a definitely favourite on planes!

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